Whining. Sorry.

[cherry]

I think -- I think I have to turn down Queen's.

I just don't have the *means.* Not without parental support.

And I want it so badly, you know? I want it so badly that I can taste it, that I can see the lakes outside my window, and I'm just afraid that I'm going to regret this for a very, very long time.

I got into Queen's-fecking-Engineering. With the double cohort. And some money. Not enough, but some. You'd think the parental units would at least be proud.

I have four school days left before finals. Four days of finals left before I'm done highschool, and I don't know exactly what is going on.

My parents would put towards another school what they would have had to pay for the U of S. Since that's nothing, their contribution to another school would match that.

U of S is -- well, it's real pretty campus. It has close to a 75% drop-out rate in first year, but I have non-renewable funds to cover first year. And it's close to my friends. My two classmates and I can be engineering buddies for first year, before we split into three disciplines.

I can always transfer for second year, right?

The fear is just that I won't. That I'll never leave the province, never travel. I don't want that, but familiarity is comfort, and comfort breeds complacency.

I'm that girl. The one who talks, but things don't come through. Who dreams and strives but always falls kind of short. Who's always just special enough to get an interview for something interesting but not the position. I'm on the short list.

I'll just have to see what I can do about that.

I guess I can still hope for Toronto, but I don't have my breath held at this point. I got a hold of an actual person there the other day, and she informed me that my decision was still pending.

I have four school days left, Queen's would have had to have a yes by Monday, and Toronto hasen't even decided if they want me yet. I'm guessing they're not going to be too generous with the funds.

I'm trying to be positive about this whole thing. I really am, but I'm sad and I just can't help it.

Unfortunately for you all, writing things down is helps settle me more than just talking does.

Comments

[lolitabug.livejournal.com]

Okay, your first comment is WAY better than the one that I'm about to write.

Reasons Ontario sucks:
- the air's unclean
- living is expensive
- they chear for the Argo's and the Maple Leafs
- the people are mean
- the city is too big
- you are closer to SARS
- they think they are the centre of the universe
- the province's name both starts and ends with a vowel
- they think Anne Murray is good
- the black flies are AWFUL
- the heat is humid
- the CN tower is just a copy of Calgary's space needle
- Richard Gere and J.Lo hated Ontario so much they had to come to WINNIPEG to shoot their movie!

and you want to move THERE?!? I'll take the plains ANY day! GO WESTERN CANADA!!!

Umm...

[dexfarkin.livejournal.com]

Only seen Ontario on television, have we?

Re: Umm...

[lolitabug.livejournal.com]

I live in Manitoba, and have traveled through Ottawa, Toronto, and most of the Whiteshell!

I'm just saying that WESTERN CANADA ROCKS!
(and who really wants to cheer for the Argos anyways?)